I had kind of an emotional day. What? Did you think life as an obese person was all sunshine and rainbows? I’m not really about the airing of grievances on the internet. (I’ll leave that for Festivus.)
In very general terms, I’m just feeling really emotional about how the perception of obesity is warped. I didn’t ask to be placed in this body. It was given to me by my parents, and their parents and their parents… Generation after generation of shitty genetics. I spent an over an hour fruitlessly searching for a photo of my great grandma. I wanted to prove that I come from a long line of zaftig women. I constantly feel pressure to explain that it wasn’t just tubs of ice cream and boxes of pizza that got me to this weight. Man, that would be SWEET if it was.
I am tired of so many people thinking that they know better than me. I am tired of hearing things like “I just care about you.” before / after something truly hurtful was said. I am tired of politely suggesting the new trendy way of eating that helped someone lose 20 lbs. (Uh, I have a lot more than 20 lbs to lose.) I am tired of thin people pretending that they have a clue about what it’s like to be morbidly obese. (“I struggled with my weight when I was younger… I was a size 8!”) I am tired of the assumption that I am knocking on death’s door and I’m doing nothing about it.
I’m not cutting my stomach into a banana shape because I think it’s the easy out. I’m doing it because I know that limiting my body to around 800 calories a day is the only way that I can lose weight. How do I know that? I’ve had metabolic testing done. Multiple times.
So after this really rough go of it, I talked to my dad. Do you know what he told me to do? Just say “FUCK IT.” (Guys, he made me say it aloud.) Forget about the people who make me feel badly. Forget about the well-intentioned but totally misguided attempts at helpfulness. Just fuck it.
Writing this made me feel better too. I’m grateful for this space to express these feelings without judgement.